by Ray Penner
We all desire to make a contribution in life, but some of us just don’t know how. We all seek to live a life that’s significant, yet many of us find ourselves stuck in our day-to-day routine.
Have you ever felt like you have nothing to offer in this world? Maybe you felt like no one would notice if you just disappeared one day. Do you feel like there are other people in the world who can do what you do better, so what’s the point of even trying? Have you ever been depressed? Then you may be suffering from what I call the “lack of contribution.” When this happens, life really does start to suck.
Allow me to explain. I believe that each and every one of us have a deep longing to feel like we are important. We want to know that we are making a difference in this world, or what point is there then to being alive at all?
How is it possible that a not-so-well-off person can have a greater sense of fulfillment in life than a person who appears to “have it all”? I think it has to do with that one word: contribution.
We all have value, so we can all contribute
If you feel like you are contributing something to society, then you feel a sense of worth. You can go about your daily routine and know in your heart of hearts that you are a valuable person and that you being alive at this very moment is benefitting someone or something. As a teacher, I have a deep sense of value and purpose in my life because I get to influence 48 people minimum each and every day. It still continues to amaze me how profound of an impact we teachers have on our world. One needs to go no further than the principle of the ripple effect : you impact 48 students/employees/team members who then go and have an influence on their friends and family. Let’s be conservative and say they have 3 good friends and 3 other members of their family. The effect is then multiplied x6, which makes 288 people within your realm of influence. We could go further, and consider the respective parents the same way in which each parent takes the effect x6 further, making the total effect x18, which makes 3456 people influenced! (On a side note, how can you tell I’m a math teacher? I even accidentally came up with a number that’s sequential! 3-4-5-6.)
I like how John Burns describes how we are all part of the same story. Each one of us has a part to play in this story and we are all necessary. If we start to feel like our part in the story doesn’t really matter, then we fall towards depression and a lack of self-worth. We feel like we have little-to-no value and thus live accordingly. Why bother making a contribution if you feel what you have to offer has little value? What’s the point? You may as well just sit where you are and stare at this screen blankly, wondering what the purpose of life is.
I wonder how many people struggling with drugs and addictions would slowly have their lives turned around if they had a greater sense of value and self-worth, that they were actually important to others and they mattered? I wonder if that’s what got them where they are in the first place, a sense of low self-worth and value? What if they were given an opportunity to contribute to society in a way that was meaningful to them? I sincerely believe that we all have a unique role to play in this world, and if we don’t discover that role then we are not only cheating others out of our contribution, but we’re cheating ourselves of the amazing life we could actually be living!
I have a special message for all you empty-nesters out there. I married my wife and left the home 8 years ago, and my brother followed me shortly after. Little did I know that my parents would go through a period of “withdrawal” as soon as we moved out, buying into the lie that they had nothing left to contribute to our lives or even to anything else! Here is my message for you in all love: just because your kids have left the home doesn’t mean you have no value to others anymore! Just because your kids don’t depend on you like they used to doesn’t mean you have lost your value to society! And just so you know, it might not seem like your kids need or depend on you anymore, but I would argue that’s a lie you have chosen to believe. The needs and dependances just shift to other areas, like marriage advice, or helping raise the kids, or helping fix the car, or helping renovate a house. Get to know your kids a little more and the stage they are at in life, and I’m sure you’ll find ways in which to still contribute to them. Just make sure you realize that your kids are not the only people in the world that you can help in this life.
Here are some ideas to get you going with your contribution
Keep in mind that these do not have to occur in this order, I have just listed them in this order to serve a purpose later on.
Think
Take some time today to think about a few questions, but don’t just stop there: answer them honestly. I even recommend going 7 levels deep with some of them, following a pattern of why-response seven times. For example:
- Do you feel valued and celebrated in your life currently? No, I do not feel this way.
- Why? Because when I’m at work I don’t get the feeling that I’m valued.
- Why? Because my employees don’t compliment me or my boss doesn’t publicly praise me.
- Why? (this is where it starts to get tough). Maybe I hide off in a corner somewhere. Maybe I don’t connect with other people. Maybe I’m too shy. Maybe I’m offensive, or cold, or I come across as being disinterested or being in my own world.
- Why? Growing up, I may have developed this type of behaviour from my friends or parents. Maybe a particular event happened in my life to cause me to be closed off, or offensive, or cold, or quiet, or shy, etc.
- Why? Because I’m human! Because I made mistakes. Because I didn’t know any better.
- Why?…When you get to this point, you’ve probably hit the bottom of the why questions, and you realize that you’re human just like the rest of us, and you are not alone. But don’t stop here! Consider the following method.
There’s another way we could look at the method of 7 levels deep that will take you to the core of your “why”. I learned this method from author and real estate investor Dean Graziosi. Ask yourself Why, and then ask yourself Why is that important? It’s really just a call and response with the question Why? For example:
- Why is it important to feel valued and celebrated in life? Because we all want to know that we are making a difference and that we matter.
- Why is it important to make a difference and to matter? Because it gives a sense of purpose to what you do every day.
- Why is it important to have a sense of purpose? Because without it, you have no direction. You live every day like there’s no point to live.
- Why is it important to have direction and a point to life? Because we all need something to shoot towards. We need a goal. We need something to strive for.
- Why is it important to need a goal in life? If we don’t have a goal, we don’t know what we’re moving towards in life. We feel confused and maybe depressed.
- Why is it important to be moving towards a goal in life? Without a goal, you’re not really doing anything meaningful with your life. You have no purpose.
- Why is it important to have a purpose? Because we all need to know that we matter in this world and that we were created for a reason.
Okay, now that you’ve been equipped with two ways that you can really dive into the following question, do it. If you can’t fully answer the question today, come back tomorrow and revisit it.
- Do I feel valued and celebrated in my life currently (ex. at work, at home, with friends)? Why do I feel this way? Why is it important to feel valued and celebrated, that I am making a contribution to those around me, and to feel significant?
Realize
Realize that there are plenty of opportunities in this world to help others who are struggling or just need some good advice. If you have the mindset that there isn’t anybody out there who could use your help, then that kind of thinking isn’t going to help you get to a place where you feel valued and celebrated. There are people out there that could use your unique abilities, your unique personality, and your unique life-story and set of experiences.
Ability
Consider what you are good at. What do others say about you? What patterns have you seen in your life related to your abilities? What general direction has your life been taking? What special skills have you learned? What are you naturally good at? I’m not saying it’s always the case, but you will usually find yourself naturally doing and enjoying activities that include and make use of your unique abilities, gifts, or talents. So what are you naturally drawn towards? Any particular interest groups? What could you spend hours online researching or learning about? What topic piques your curiosity? When you are in a conversation with others, what can you talk about easily and for a long time? What are you passionate about? Do you enjoy making lots of money? Great! There’s lots of great organizations out there that could use your support. Are you great with people? Find a team you can be a part of. There are so many things you could become a part of!
Involvement
Get up and take action. You know how you think, how you may need to think, and you know what you’re good at. So get up and involved somewhere.
Network
Grow your network of contacts. Get to know more people. Go to more events and get-togethers. There’s lots of great ways now through social networking online that you can find groups to be a part of. Visit your neighbours, reconnect with old friends. Volunteer or become a part of an organization. Become a part of a MeetUp group (also a smartphone app) and see if there’s anything interesting in your area.
The train
Let us consider what we just learned and think of the train.
- You will notice that most trains have a multitude of different cars with different colours and sizes. This relates to your unique ability as a person, the unique you.
- Trains are connected together in a long chain. This relates to your personal network: the teams you are a part of, the people you know, your family and friends.
- Most of the time, you will see a train in motion, moving along the same track. This is your involvement on a particular team, moving toward a particular destination. Also, consider the cumulative involvement of other people as represented in the many cars connected to the train, all moving toward a mutual destination. When you become part of a team, you become part of a common vision. Here’s what’s more: the more connections you have, the more momentum you build. It’s easier to stop a one-car train than it is to stop one that’s 100 cars. It’s the same thing when you get involved and become part of a team: you are linking yourself to that train and helping to increase it’s momentum. The more people you have on your team, the harder it’s going to be to keep that team from achieving it’s goals. Wouldn’t it feel great to contribute to a team like that?
To come full circle, let’s all remember what we learned from the T-R-A-I-N:
Think: think about your thinking.
Realize: realize what you’re thinking is like and what needs to change.
Abilities: Consider what you’re good at.
Involvement: Get involved somewhere.
Network: build connections with other people and build your team.
I hope you enjoyed this post and you feel a greater sense of purpose in your life.
Remember to keep adding value wherever you go!
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